The Zisk Staff's Baseball 2000 Predictions (Please NOte: They Were Made Before the Season Began)

ESPN will yak about too many Ken Griffey Jr. yacks, or just far too many yacks in general.

Angels General Manager Bill Stoneman will make a trade deadline deal for Mike Morgan to anchor the rest of the rotation for the rebuilding years that lay ahead.

The Indians will lose in the first round of the playoffs again because of lack of pitching.  GM John Hart will blame somebody else.

The failure of overrated hired guns Andy Benes, Darrell Kile, and Pat Hentgen will drive vegetarian Tony Larussa to eat a cow.

Dante Bichette will already have eaten the cow.

Ricky Henderson will not do what Ricky Henderson does not want to do.

Braves relief pitcher John Rocker will say something stupid, this time about Chipper Jones’ girlfriend, sparking nationwide empathy for Hooters’ girls.

Davy Lopes will wonder just what in the hell did he get into. more than a few times.

Jose Lima breaks dugout at new Enron field in Houston while banging a bat during rallies. The visitor dugout was already destroyed by Carlos Perez.

The Cincinnati Reds will offer Trey Griffey, Junior's six-year-old son, a 10-year $150-million contract.

J.D. Drew will continue to embarrass the game of baseball.

Ordonez-Lopez II will be aired on pay per view after the fracas that ensues from a hard slide into second.

Detroit GM Randy Smith will declare a mulligan on the whole thing. ",Really guys. I was just fooling around. Can I have Kapler back. No? How about Cordero. Can I at least have my dignity back?"

Phil Garner will learn the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Albert Belle will refuse to talk to anymore candyass reporters right around April 10th.

Yankees, Indians, Rangers, Red Sox.

Mets, Astros, Giants, Cards.

Yankees over the Astros in 6.

—Kip Yates

 

 

I am tall and lanky.  To make up for it, I make my predictions short and sweet.  I gaze into my crystal baseball and see...dang!  I can't see anything...must be a rain delay...oh man, now what?  I guess i'll just have to make stuff up!  I close my eyes, concentrate... these are my visions...

1.  Chuck Knoblach will commit an error

2.  Rickey Henderson will steal second base

3.  Randy Johnson will strike someone out

...phew!  That took a lot of pyschic energy...I'm beat...It was tough, but MY predictions will prove to be 100% accurate!  I rule the magical world of baseball prophecy!

—Mark Hughson

AL EAST

Yankees: With the Straw gone, at least they won’t have to bother with that non-alcoholic champagne.

Red Sox: The Brothers Martinez will keep ‘em in it through the summer.

Blue Jays:  Ask David Wells if he thinks they’ll miss Shawn Green.

Orioles: The roster looks like an AARP convention.

Devil Rays: Will probably post scores higher than the Buccaneers, but will lose more than the Lightning.

 

AL CENTRAL

Indians: Reuniting Lance Johnson and Jim Riggleman doesn’t bode well for team chemistry. [Ed note: Johnson was released before the season began]

White Sox: The kids can play, but can Frank still hit?

Royals: Quick. Name 3 pitchers in their starting rotation. Thought so.

Tigers: Juan Gonzalez has never been much of a team player, which shouldn’t matter in Detroit since they don’t have much of a team.

Twins: The ’91 Series wasn’t filmed in black and white. It just feels that way.

AL WEST

Rangers:  Best of a sorry field.

Athletics:  Could contend. In this division.

Mariners: They weren’t going anywhere even WITH Junior. Without? Forget it.

Angels: Having traded Jim Edmonds, they could finish in the Pacific Coast League. 

 

NL EAST

Braves: Even without Smoltz, these guys know how to win. Except in October.

Mets: Hampton will help. Think he can manage?

Phillies:  If Schilling’s healthy, they could… finish third.

Expos: The Canadiens have a better chance at winning a World Series title.

Marlins:  Worst team this side of Minnesota.

 

NL CENTRAL

Reds:  Barry Larkin probably shouldn’t be running his mouth, but the fact is I agree with him.

Astros: Could be in trouble if they have to start the season with Doc Gooden in the rotation.

Cubs: Realistically, they will probably finish lower. But good things tend to follow Don Baylor around

Cardinals: Will probably finish higher, but still won’t make the post-season, so who cares?

Pirates:  Do the Indians have any more Brian Giles-types they wanna give away?

Brewers: Give Bernie Brewer a bat. Or let him pitch. Anything would be an improvement

 

NL WEST

Diamondbacks:  Should walk away with this cupcake division, which is hardly a ringing endorsement.

Dodgers: Won’t be able to blame it on Eric Young this time around

Giants: Is the Livan Hernandez Watch over?

Rockies:  Their pitching stinks. And not just at Coors.

Padres: ’98 was fun, wasn’t it?

—Reggie Lee-Ray

 

What '00 has in store for baseball fans...

Zisk #3 will appear before Bobby Valentine gets sacked

Ismael Valdes has a great year but no one notices because the Cubs remain a trainwreck of a club and the Dodgers have so many other problems that by season's end they have yet to realize what a monumental mistake they made in trading Valdes for a schlub like Terry Adams. (who, despite his protests, Dodger management still thinks is the guy from NRBQ)

The Toad has a decent year north of the border and helps the Expos flirt with .500.

Jose Rosado finally puts together two great halves and has a breakthrough season.

The Yankees sleepwalk through another challenge-free campaign leaving us with yet another boring regular season in the A.L.

—Mike Faloon

 

AL East: Yankees,  Red Sox*, Blue Jays, Devil Rays, Orioles

AL Central:  Indians, Tigers, White Sox, Royals, Twins

AL West:  Rangers, A's, Angels, Mariners

 

NL East: Mets, Braves*, Montreal, Philadelphia, Florida

NL Central: St. Louis, Houston, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Milwaukee

NL West: Diamondbacks, Dodgers, Giants, Rockies, Padres

*=Wildcard

Playoffs:

NY Yankees vs. Texas Rangers

Boston Red Sox vs. Cleveland Indians

Atlanta Braves vs. Arizona D-Backs

New York Mets vs. St. Louis Cardinals

Yankees vs. Red Sox

Cardinals vs. Braves

World Series

Yankees vs. Cardinals

Yankees in 5

—Jeff Herz

AL

East: Yankees

Central: Cleveland

West: Oakland

Wildcard: Boston

 

NL

East: Atlanta

Central: St. Louis

West: Arizona

Wildcard: Mets

 

World Series

Yankees vs. St. Louis

 

Yankees in 6

Random thoughts—Ken Griffey Junior can’t be a winner without Randy Johnson, so Cincy is doomed to fall back from last year.  The Mets had fate on their side last year, but won’t have enough juice to get to the series.  Oakland shines as ex-Met Jason Isringhausen blossoms as a closer.  Tony LaRussa and Mark McGwire finally have pitching, and a centerfielder in Jim Edmonds to replace Brian Jordan, and could end up with the best record in the N.L.  And this is the last year the Yanks make the World Series for a while.

—Steve Reynolds

Bench Notes:

Shaking off the Garth Brooks Curse
1998 Padres (pre-spring training Garth):
98-64 (.605) - 1st place NL West, NL Champs
1999 Padres (post-spring training Garth):
74-88 (.457) - 4th place NL West

1999 Mets (pre-Garth)
97-66 (.595) - 2nd place NL East, Wildcard
2000 Mets (post-Garth)
???

Note that in the last game of the ('99) ALCS, the Yanks pitched El Duque, you know, the guy from the Mentors, and followed him up with Jeff Nelson of Minor Threat, and they won--and in the last game of the NLCS, the Mets pitched country suprstar Kenny Rogers, and lost. Looks like punk kicked ass on C&W in 1999! How sad for Garth.
—Rev. Norb

'Twas a Night at Shea (One fan's actual cheers and jeers overheard one summer evening in the upper deck)

"The Mets brain trust is all here"
"We're better than the Braves in different ways"
"The Yankees have their tradition and we have ours"
"A triple play in the World Series"
"Bonds, you're nine years old today"
"And the umpire was shitting his pants"
"Why do the birds fly to Shea?"
"Do you think he'll make the yearbook?"
"If you get to 16 you're one better than Grote"
"The tracks are hungry for you"
The ctacher isn't stupid"
"the battery is deep"
"Pratt, the trust is you"
"The Mets should play centerfield right behind second base"